just when i think it is over

Why cant i jus move on from this stupid kid. its like adolfo has a spell on me. Ok so thursday nigth we went to hookah. it was me, louie, cindy, jay, and adolfo. i saw this kid that i used to talk to and so i obviously had to say hi. it was rly nice. we relaxed and then i had a beer energy drink thing. well after hookah we went back to adolofs all of us. kyle and ante came to (they were the kids i used to talk to). well i dintdrink much but i blacked out. so then adolof had to take care of me and he was so sweet about the whole thing. he jus took care of me. i blacked out and that was bad.... so i woke up and he was next to me. he dint leave my side the whole night. he took care of m and woke me up with kisses. i thought to myself wow wtf! so i layed in his ams and once everyone left his house i called out on work and then i went back to lay in his arms. he was holding me so tightly and he dint try to sleep with me like most stupid guys which always ruins our friednships. i hate when guys do that cuz then i loose trust and respect for them. well he jus held my hand and cuddled with me. it was the best thing in the world and i could not help but to jus smile. we layed there all day and then cleaned the house. after that we went to dinner and then back to his house to lay down and watch a movie. we cuddled the entire time. it felt so nice and he dint wanna let me go. he literally held me down. we wrestled and then later that night we went to a party. the party got out of hand. there was a fight, someone was stabbed, ppl brought guns, etc.... its was fuckin scary. so we left but b4 we left i saw my x dave.... dun dun dun....i almost cried right there. well adolof and i got back home an he calmed me down and said hey the past is the past and you cant hold onto the bad cuz then u wont move on towards the good. he is the reason why u cant move on and hold a serious relationship with guys which is the truth i know it too... i just dont want to admit it. that would suck... of course i have to admit it cuz he is right haha. well anyways so then he dropped me off and gave me a big hug. it was awesome i felt so safe and so warm. everything was wut i wanted. well tonight is my last night b4 i go and i am hoping he is the last person i see b4 i go cuz literally he is the last person i wanna see. well i better go and pack, still havent done that yet. yikes!

nights of unease

bahahaha so tonight im goin with my friends to hookah. louie was one of my friends and now we rr gonna try to work on our friendship. well im gonna see my homeboy josh and johnathon. i am super duper excited to see them all. i dont want to admit it tho.

haha and then adolfo and i were talking and he kept asking bout my bf. ha some random guy he saw me with. so i told him there is nothing there and that we r jus friends. now i guess we r gonna kick it tonight cuz he made an effort and im so happy my heart is beating soooo fast!!! i jus wanna scream ya know? i mean....ugh i am oooo soooo pumped. like we r gonna b friends at least and damn it this is gr8. im wearing his sweats right now which comforts me. i feel safe when i wear something of his i guess tis a good feeling. he reminds me of jake from the book new moon. he fill the void for a while but nothing more than that.

well i am hopin tonight goes amazingly. i hope we all have a blast... for some reason i think it will all go swimmingly and yes i jus said swmmingly. im jus so happy right now and i talked to lisetter and that was good. my uncle is acting wierd right now but i dont really care. im jus kinda in my own world. i think he is sad that im leaving for a bit but it happens. ahhhhh i leave in 4 days!!!!! so excited!!!

I would be such an amazing man!!!

I would be an amazing man. I think i am aiming to high cuz i want someone jus like me. i am amazing and thats wut i want. I know my flaws and i work on it each and everyday. i know my strengs and i still work on those each and everyday. Cuz thats wut ppl should do. we should want to satisfy ourselves. i would treat my woman right and i wouldnt be a boy i would be a man. I guess I realized that when i was listening to beyonces song, if i were a boy.... its all me and so true!!!! well since i cant be a man or im not willing to go through all that cuz i like who i am... i am gonna jus better myself and make sure that being a woman isnt a crutch but a boost in life and i will use it to my advantage. i am gonna do amazing things!!!! u jus wait!!!! i am kind of a big deal and today i have so much confidence that guess wut??? ull never recognize me again after today. im not gonna settle and i aint gonna chase. Im jus gonna be the best woman i can be.

If I Were A Boy lyricsIf I were a boy

Even just for a dayI’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girlsI’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Because they’d stick up for me
If I were a boyI think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to herCause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boyI would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its brokenSo they thinkthat I was sleeping aloneI’d put myself firs
tAnd make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithfulWaiting for me to come home (to come home)
If I were a boyI think I could understandHow it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better manI’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurtsWhen you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed
It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy…


ooooooooooooooo yeah i can feel the strength in me. I am reading to better my vocaulary and to take time to myself. Im gonna build ginger bread houses with my lil cousin and then............. sleep. bahahahaha amazing time with no boys since i went to coffee wit jorge and he is not my type. he tried to kiss me and i said no. then there is john...gr8 friend but thats it. he thinks we r gonna be so much more and the thing is we wont be!!! get the hell over it love. no offense or anything. so yeah... see i have guys that wanna be wit me but until i meet someone more like me or some1 who keeps me guessing im not intrested and im only gonna focus on myself cuz pritority number one is....


ME!!!!!!

HAHA SO HELL NO TO THE Q

OK SO REMEMBER THE GUY I WAS LIKE WOW HAD A PERFECT NIGHT WITH NAMED Q? WELL IT WILL NEVER WORK. i THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND AFTER TALKING TO HIM ALL HE DOES IS WORK, PARTY, AND WORKOUT. oK IM SORRY BUT THAT AINT VERY EXCITING. i NEED SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BETTER THEIR LIFE AN THEY KNOW HOW TO CREATE A HAPPY BALANCE. I DONT THINK ITS THAT BAD OR CRAZY!!!! BUT WUTEVA. I TOLD HIM WE R FRIENDS AND TOLD LIS THATS ALL WE WILL BE.

i GUESS I REALLY AM GROWING UP AND BECOMING INDEPENDENT AND I LIKE THAT. IT MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY YA KNOW? i THINK i AM STRONG AND i AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF FRO THAT. WELL I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND HERE ARE MY PRIORITIES

SCHOOL
WORK
FAMILY/ FRIENDS
VOLUNTEER WORK

AND THATS IT RIGHT NOW. NOTICE HOW THERE IS NO MENTION OF BOYS AT ALL????

OK AND FOR THOSE THAT THINK THAT HEY SHE IS BOY CRAZY AND JUS WANTS WUT SHE CANT HAVE, UR RIGHT....WELL PARTIALLY IM NOT BOY CRAZY BUT I DO WANT WUT I CANT HAVE. I WANT

POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND REQUIREMENTS:

1. A MAN NOT A BOY
2. GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR
3. ADOREABLE
4. SWEET AND KIND
5. ADMIRABLE
6. STRONG
7. DETERMINED/ DRIVEN
8. GOING TO SCHOOL OR WORKING
9. NOT A BIG DRUGGIE
10. CAN PARTY
11. WANTS ME TO MEET HIS FRIENDS AND WANTS TO MEET MINE
12. FAMILY KIND OF MAN
13. WANTS TO TREAT ME LIKE A PRINCESS
14. CAN MAKE ME LAUGH
15. INTELLIGENT
16. DOWN TO EARTH
17. NOT CONCIETED
18. CALLS ME AND TEXTS ME TO MAKE THE EFFORT.
19. ROMANTIC AT TIMES BUT NOT ALL THE TIME
20. PROTECTIVE
21. SLIGHTLY JEALOUS BUT NOT OVER BEARING
22. COMPLIMENTS ME
23. ISNT MONEY HUNGRY
24. WILL GO OUT OF HIS WAY TO MAKE MY DAY BETTER
25. AFFECTIONATE
26. DOESNT CHEAT
27. DOESNT LIE
28. SOESNT STEAL
29. GIVES ME BUTTERFLIES (IMPORTANT ILL EXPLAIN IN A MINUTE)
30. I CAN TRUST

OK SO U MAY HEAR ME MENTION BUTTERFLIES ALOT AND IDK IF I HAVE EVER EXPLAINED THIS. BUT HERE IS THE DEAL. BUTTERFLIES R THINGS U REMEMBER GETTING AS A KIND. EVERYTIME THEY TALKED ON THE PHONE TO U THE BUTTERFLIES WOULD COME. WELL NOW THAT IM OLDER THEY ARE GONE AND B4 WHEN I USED TO GET THEM THE GUYS WERE RLY GOOD GUYS. SO I KINDA SEE IT AS AN IMPORTANT THING. I KNOW IF A GUY GIVES ME BUTTERFLIES THEN THERE RLY IS POTENTIAL. IDK CALL ME A CHILD BUT ITS A BIG THING TO ME AND ONLY ONE PERSON GETS THAT....

SO TONIGHT IS BOWELING AND IM GONNA KICK ASS. TOMORROW IS LUNCH WITH TONY. WEDNESDAY IS SHOPPING WITH LIS FOR XMAS. AND THEN THURSDAY SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. FRIDAY AND SATURDAY I HAVE WORK BUT IM GONNA HAVE THE BEST WEEKEND B4 I GO!!! GONNA HAVE AND AMAZING TIME WITH MY HOMEGIRL, PROLLY CHILL WITH Q, AND MUCH MORE.

OOOOO AND ADOLOF WILL B PLANNING ON SLEEPING WITH SOME GIRL HE THINKS IS CUTE THIS WEEKEND. WOW HOW PATHETIC. HE IS GONNA TRY TO GET HER SO DRUNK SHE WILL SLEEP WITH HIM. THATS DISGUSTING. HENCE JUS ONE MORE REASON I DONT RESPECT HIM AND WHY I DONT WANT TO BE WITH HIM!!!!!! IDIOT!!!!! WELL I GUESS THATS IT. RIGHT NOW I JUS WANNA BE WRAPPED UP IN SOMEONES ARMS SO WE WILL SEE... DEFIANTELY NOT GARRETS DESPITE WUT CERTAIN PPL THINK. UGH. NO INTEREST AND WEVE KNOWN EACH OTHER AS FRIENDS FOR TO LONG FOR THERE TO BE MORE. HAHAHA. WELL MUCH LOVE TO EVERYONE

amazing night under the stars

Ok so yesterday I had a long day at work and had to stay an extra two and a half hours. I was soooo tired. no bueno. well afterwards i got home and changed then went straight out with lisette. we were bomb and went to the mall. we shopped a lil bit and that was fun. then we went to the house. adolfo was there and pretty much told me straight to my face he kissed another girl so i texted him hey dont kiss me again. Im sry but even if i like u, i will never like u that much where i wont care if u are a man ho. I am better than that. No offense and not trying to sound cocky but i am and i dont need that in my life. so well i was so bummed. me and lis baked cookies and i dint cry though my heart pretty much felt like it had jus shattered. Well i thought to myself i dont need to worry about him. he is nothing and i truly deserve better. his family always agrees with me. :) so i tried to dye my hair and he knew i was upset so he jus stayed home. I was like wuteva. So last night lis invited eric over. i was like ok w.e we can hang wit him cuz my girl i crushn cant be a cock blocker. so i went outsid when he came over but he dint come alone. he brought a friend. his friend was sooooo cute. we chatted and all this jazz. i could not stop lookin at him. at the same time i thought hey he wont be intrested i mean he is that beautiful. haha. well then he was like damn its cold. o he grabed my blanket that was wrapped around me and tried to steal it. i said no and laughed so he wa like ok we can share. so he put his arms around me and began to cuddle with me. I thought it was rly cute. i blushed so hard. Well hey e ate cookies and were cuddling. it couldnt get better right? wrong!!!! omg then shooting stars were falling. we were watching them together. so he had to use the restroom eventually so i walked him to the house and showed him where and its right y adolfos room so haha he saw me wit another guy and wasnt please. but i dgaf. so i walked him out and we jus cuddled for two hours. this guy is tall, tattoos, mexican but looks white, clean cute, a bad ass with sweet heart.... he was perfect. so now we are cool. he dropped me off and i dint kiss him cuz well it dint feel right at the end of the night. i forgot to give him my numba so i dropped it to my friend lis who passed it on. if he called he called. well guess wut!?!?!?! he messaged me and we have been texting. Adolfo is all pissed off so he decided to go out with his "cush". that jus means they are gonna hook up and he is doing it today of all days cuz today is our day to hang, wut a lil bitch. so u know wut? shit happens and q was pretty bomb but overall i am not ready for anything serious and dont want anything serious. so its pretty simple no boys for now tho they r good to look at. maybe me and q will kick it tho. i sure as hell hope so. cookies, cuddling, and shooting stars? yeah we will definately be seeing each other real soon. haha. im on cloud nine still. but no butterflies so he isnt the one no worries ppl

this is the lyrics to ho i feel about u

You are the girl that I've been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl
You are the girl that I've been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl

One,
I'm biting my tongue
Two,
He's kissin' on you
Three,
Oh, why can't you see?
One! Two! Three! Four!

The word's on the streets and it's on the news:
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you.
He's got two left feet and he bites my moves.
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance
The second I do, I know we're gonna be through.
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you.
He don't suspect a thing. I wish he'd get a clue.
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance

[x2]

One!
You're biting my tongue.
Two!
I'm kissin' on you.
Three!
Is he better than me?
One! Two! Three! Four!

The word's on the streets and it's on the news:
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you.
He's got two left feet and he bites my moves.
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance



like no i dont want to help the guy i likes crush. screw her. cuz what happens u like her but u fall asleep with me and kiss me at the end of the night. i feel so lost when it comes to you. Its like ur my best friend and i wanna be with u and it sucks cuz idk wut to do jus to get u. It seems like you like me. I see you most the week and we talk everyday. ur family loves me and i always eat dinner with them and they always want me over. ur lil brother loves me and ur sister is my close friend. u see how well i do with kids, u see ur friends love me, ur family has adopted me, and im the girl that you go to for everything. Why? cuz u know for a fact jus like me that i care for u. i adore u and i wish u could feel the same but u dont and i dont know if u ever will... so im trying to get over it but ur like everything i want right now and prolly need if u could shape up. if i could trust u we would be gr8. i hate going on dates cuz i compare them to you and when u r with another girl i know u r looking at me. A partys u always come to me and kiss me and then run off. I am the person u call when ur scared and happy. i am the one there for u through and through. Im not fake like those otehrs ho's so why cant you see that you and me are meant to be..... am i wasting my breath and effort on something ill never truly possess or is that wut u need? to loose me b4 u realize what you had and will miss with all your heart. the emptiness will overwhelm you i know. i will see u tonight, tomorrow, and sunday and yet you are not mine. grow up and realize that you an me are meant to be baby!!!!!