ok why do they come out of no where

why is that my x has to come from no where and make me realize that I am still in love with him and that i cannont get over him. he is the on person i have felt safe with and we had so many goals and ideas of how shit was gonna go down. obviously it dint work like that but i sure wish it would have.... We planned our future together. When i asked what does he see in his future he would always say he cant see anything else but me by his side. I know he loved me but then why would he hurt me like this? why would he torture me anfd give me excuses. I know it kills me he isnt with me in a rlationship but it still woulda been nice to have him in my life. HE was everything that made me happy and now he is gone. now im stuck in a situation where i know i have evolved and though i used to look unattractive i know it is defibnately not like that anymore. I am now confident, most the time secure, and a beuatiful woman. I am intelligent and I just still dont get why Jeff would choose weed over me. I know for a fact that I am better than any illegal substance, I dont give a shit what anyone else has to say. i want to be with him but i cant.... I need to be single as long as possible. i will not get into a relationship until I am fully committed. Currently I cant provide that. I have met a guy named Jessie and he hs a kid but i dont think i mind. I love children and right now i dont think it will be anything serious. We r goin on our first date tonight and I am sooo excited for that. i think this will be rly fun and I am excited but extremely nervous. I like adolfo but i think in my heart i jus want him to fill the void i am feeling. Sometimes I wonder if I truly have feelings for him or not. I guess i feel as if i know the answer. I jus want a guy to make me feel safe, happy, secure, and beautiful> i want a guy to hold me in his arms and let me fall asleep listening to his heartbeat. i want a guy that will hold my hand. A guy that does not expect sex from me and has a goal to make me smile and laugh each and everyday. I want what I havent found yet. A guy who wants to prove he deserves me instead of me jumping through hoops to show a guy that I deserve him. Thats not how it should be. i know I have gone above and beyond for almost every guy and never recieved what I needed. i guess I am jus not doing wut i need to. I keep settling and thats the one thing that I need to stop doing. i cant keep settling and then allowing some loser to break my heart. i work and go to college and am the one girl that fits every situation. I am the kind of girl u can bring home, party with, have ur friends meet, bring to ork events, have a intellectual converation with, and at the end of the night will hold u and make u feel like a prince charming. WHy then cant a good guy see that? What am i doing wrong? cant blame the guys only can blame myself for being stupid and arrogant. HDiahjjkfhwekjfhwk....... well I know for a fact i am a good girl.

this is my x by the ways....

jus look at my pic!! is that the face u would think i guy would wanna hurt??? i fucking think not bitches!!!!! im as sweet as can b. FUCK!!!!!

Goal: STAY SINGLE!!!!