Im nervous i must admit

Tomorrow Danny is going to meet my dad. I am really nervous bout it but i know he will do fine. I am more nervous about how my dad will act to him. To be honest i dont care what he thinks of him though. I know Danny doesnt believe me but honestly my parents approval doesnt mean shit to me. Why should i worry bout how they feel? Why should i worry bout how anyone feels bout him? All my girlfriends are all really supportive and think he`s a doll. I talk bout him all the time and when i talk to him i know a lot of girls get jealous. See whenever they talk bout their b/f`s they always complain where as i only talk him up. I make him out to be a real life superman. My hero today had a huge battle with a box opener and he did get a war wound but man o man i know he did a number on that cutter. It was a sneak attack so he wasnt fully prepared. Its almost like the times he wrestled a gator or the time he was swimming with the sharks. YEah he swam with the sharks and they went hunting together.They even wentdown to Mexico and partied it up. He wont tell me what happened, but im assuming what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. The only thing he brought back was the word jawsome. lol. Yep thats my hero for you. Yeah i exaggerate just a tad but how much better was my story? Much better i think. Oh yeah so back to the main topic. All the girlies are great, but the guys are sketchy. Some of them are like my brothers. I have formed a new family cuz my family is a little disfunctional. Well i have a new family ive created and all the guys like to take care of me. Im like the baby. I know its weird but it true. All the guys get a little over protective. They keep saying stupid things. They all were trying to convince me he was cheating. They dont really know anything but i was a lil gullable and i started to believe them but then after a while i was just like go yourselves. I dont give a f**k! Other guys are trying to sabatage us. Its so lame and i just pretend and play into it but when they start talking real crap i go off. I dont understand why ... well i know bout Zac and a few others... I am scared to tell Herbie and im worried bout telling Robbie.The last time we talked he asked if we could get back together and i just said sorry but imnot ready for a relationship. Two or three weeks later i am all of a sudden? I just try to steer clear of that drama. I had a special present for Danny planned out but my step mom ruined it. I dont get my step mom. She is really hurting my feelings because she keeps telling me that he is just my toy and im going to break up with him in bout 2 weeks.It seems like she is practically couting down. Well i dont plan on breaking up with him. I know i have commitment issues and everyone would agree with that but at the same time right now nothing can make me happy but him.He just brings a smile to my face just when i hear his sweet voice. I havent told him im scared of commitment because i dont want to admit that aaron hurt me anymore. I mean he was so great and fabulous or so i thought... and my friends thought. I just remember the week before he broke up with me i told him i thought he fell in love with me and not what i could be. I know i made him cry because he was the first guy i had fallen in love with. I would do anything for that kid but it was never enough. He just wanted me to change and as much as i tried or wanted to i finally realized i cant. My friends said good riddens because all i would do is cry whenever he came around. I would cry at how he would make me feel, what he would do, and just ugh! I remember the first time he told me he thought bout us in the future and he could see us beign married. yeah he brought up marriage. I also remember the first tiem he called me his property and the second and the third and etc... we always fought but yet everyone thought we would last a really long time.Well guess what he broke up with me on our three monthes. I dont care anymore though. I am over it and mostly over him. After that i remember the whold Josh drama. After that Paul came along and i dont regret our time together but i do regret the reasons why i did some things. I just wanted him to see me the way i saw him and care bout me the way i care bout him. I realize that will NEVER happen because the only person he cares bout is himself. It makes me sad even till today. Then a week after that the whole Zac drama came along. I was so fed up cuz i used Zac. I mean PAul was the last guy to truly hurt me and as much as i wish i know he wont be the last. Well i took out all my frustrations and everyting and just gave up. I do regret things that happened between me and Zac. I feel like i have destroyed our friendship to a degree. I feel there are more people rooting for us to fail then there are for us to go the distance. To be honest i still dont care even after looking back.HE makes me happy. HE makes me smile. HE encouragres me. The biggest reason why im not going to break up with him is becuase he said things to me last night that believe it or not i believe him. HE told me he would wait for me and that he wont get back with Tanya. He told me that im worth the wait and he would wait even longer for me. I know its corny but no one has ever said that and meant it. I think he means it... No, i know he means it and thats why i know this one is a keeper. I love him so mucha dn i fall for him more and more everyday. I do still want his friends to like me. I cant wait till i meet his sister and neice. i love kids and if his sister is like him or his parents then i know i will adore her! Right now though i dont feel to happy. Not cuz of him of course... Its just i feel like im sinking into a hole. I just dont want to move and i dont want to smile. i dont want to do anything. I just want to lay still and watch things pass me by. I dont really want to be living my life i kind of jsut want to watch it. I feel depressed. Very few people change that and i hate it cuz it reminds me of last year. I know i am going to fail everyones expectations and worse of all im failing my own. Iw ant to take chare and i will change that though. Well thats what i keep telling myself. I hope things change soon and i can smile just becuae i am appreciating the things around me. Until then i just dont know what to do. I am sinking lower and lower but i will just keep trying to pulll through. Eww that sounded emo i should go jump off a cliff now or better yet wrestle a box cutter. lol then i could be superwomen. Well i am going to head out. I am still tired adn recoverign. i will try to keep you posted bout Dannys encounter with my Dad. Cross your fingers cuz im nervous. I hope Danny approves of my Dad ;-) luv ya`s xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxo